So Cold
by Minzuno Raven
Summary: It's a quick fic about the inner senshi. I must warn you it's kinda vague... you should get it tho. ~^ Any questions? e-mail me, i'll answer them.


So Cold  
By: Mizuno Raven  
  
  
I am so plagued with guilt I am surprised one soul   
can survive under its crushing weight. Perhaps it will kill   
me--is killing me, merely too slow to observe. Either way   
my future will remain unknown to me, not only because I am   
forbidden, but also because I am afraid...  
  
So deathly afraid...  
  
-Setsuna  
  
It has become so strange lately. It is so hard to   
explain. Something has consumed me... a longing. Yes, that   
is the best way to say it. Though, I cannot say what I long   
for. I cannot help but to glance at people as they pass me   
on the sidewalks. I find myself searching the eyes of   
strangers looking for... something. All because I feel   
incomplete. However, there is a deeper feeling that worries   
me more. In the dark recesses of my mind and in the corners   
of my heart I worry, 'will I find it?' For some bizarre   
reason the mere thought frightens me, more than I could   
ever say. I wish I could tell the others of my trouble, yet   
I feel it would be to no end. It is not they who can help me.   
  
A man passes me and as he leaves I wonder for a   
moment if he may hold the answer. Except whatever is   
searching decides he is not the key to unlocking this   
mystery and I continue on my way. The wind picks up again   
and a bit of cold winter snow brushes my face. It is so cold.  
  
-Ami  
  
I feel so horrible. What has me so down? Surely there   
is nothing so bad in my life to make me feel so alone. Alone.   
That is the word I have been searching for. It captures my   
depression in perfect description. But I have many caring   
friends... no it is not in friendship I lack. It is a deeper   
connection, a closer companionship that I want. It is almost   
as if I am missing a piece of my soul.  
  
I rise from the comfortable couch and walk to the   
white balcony. New snow has fallen, layering the world in a   
blanket of soft ice. The wind lingers throughout the city,   
dancing in alleys and down the streets, sometimes catching   
snow in its play.  
  
I wonder where he could be, this other my heart craves   
so strongly. Then a sudden fear grips me as the possibility   
of not uniting with him shatters my calm musings. 'Surely I   
will, surely' my heart argues. So shaken am I that I return   
to my bedroom, pulling the thick blankets close as I get back   
into bed. It is so cold.  
  
-Makoto  
  
Sweeping has become a hobby. Constantly I find myself   
swaying the broom, chasing dirt across the ground. It also   
scatters snow before it, especially this time of winter.   
Somehow it brings comfort with the soft brush of the bristles   
and the rhythmic beat. It is not a chosen hobby, by my mind   
or body. It is my soul who has preferred this simple chore.  
  
Something is missing and it will not reveal itself to   
me despite my attempts before the great fire. Instead I find   
the broom... and sweep. Whatever it is, its lost is a vital   
piece I am sure. Lately I have wondered how I live without   
it. Such is a strange thought for I do not even know what it   
is. Then I will always ask, 'if it is so important, how can   
I not know what it is?'   
  
I have yet to find the answer. I truly hope I can find   
it soon, I am beginning to believe I will fall apart, and   
that I will lose my life and warmth. Winter has come and the   
snow has followed. I do not wish to fall with the winter   
snow. It is so cold.  
  
-Rei  
  
I have become so jealous. I have become a fraud. There   
is a void in my heart. There is too much wrong. I do not know   
if I can ever hope to fix my broken being. The wound is too   
deep, the pain is too strong, the complexity too involved. I   
know Love well, and it is He that I require. Somewhere I must   
find Him; the consequences of failure are too severe. I dare   
not think of such a terror for it would be a living hell.   
  
Snow grazes the glass of my window, bringing with it   
the chilling wind. This has been one of the calmest winters   
I have ever beheld, nothing save small winds and snow.  
  
The constant sorrow of my being refuses me rest in   
both thought and sleep. It brings out my accusing nature and   
I question if it is I who must be found and not He, I wonder   
if the fault is mine. If nothing were wrong, we would be   
together, right?  
  
Snow settles upon the ledge of the window and on the   
ground as the wind is calmed. The world becomes a pure   
crystal once more.  
  
'Can I right what is wrong? Can I fix what is broken?'   
the inquiry plagues me often. I long for its answer and the   
end to my sorrow.  
  
I listen to the wind and snow, leaning my head against   
the cold glass of my windowpane. It is so cold.  
  
-Minako  
  
Accusing snow, oh blaming snow, let me be. I cannot   
surrender knowledge that is not mine to give. I know they   
feel an emptiness, I know what they are missing. I could   
reveal all, ease their minds, but in doing so tear apart   
their hearts and only give them someone to blame who is not   
at fault. This is no excuse, true, yet it is my dear queen,   
and old friend who prevents me. Though she is long dead her   
presence is still strong; it is she who forbids my sharing.   
Selene only knows how much it hurts to watch their despair.   
If only there was something I could do. If only I could   
unite them with the other half of their souls. If only they   
could share the happiness they once had as their princess   
now does. If only I did not have to carry this terrible   
burden. Accusing snow, oh blaming snow, let me be. You are   
so cold. Be gone and take your chill with you. I will right   
what is wrong... someday. When the day comes, they will have   
their joy once more. Leave and be cold no more.  
  
-Setsuna  
  
Four tears fall and from each a light is born. Their   
makers are so lost within the sorrow and cold, surprise   
does not visit them. Four tears fall and turn to light,   
each light bears eyes long lost. So familiar are these eyes   
that those who cried gasp. Four tears, four lights, four   
pairs of eyes meet four more and a link is made. Blue meets   
blue and both fall to their knees. Green meets green and   
speech is lost. Red meets red and tears are let fall. Orange   
meets orange and each tremble. So familiar and so strange   
each reunion is. Four tears, four lights, four souls made   
whole. So profound and strong that the winter snow looses   
its chill and all through the city the wind blows warm as   
it would in spring. Yet the snow stays and a woman stands   
alone atop a distant hill, long hair dancing in the wind.   
Her head is bowed, her posture speaking of defeat. Four   
tears are shed, each as black as night, as red as blood,   
each painful. A sacrifice was made, but she will never tell.   
It will remain as secret as the Guardian of Time, as locked   
away as Time's gates, as solitary as a woman who will never   
have love of her own.  
  
Four tears. Four men. Four women. Four souls made whole.  
Four tears. One woman. One sacrifice. One eternity. 


End file.
